From abuse, demonic voices and eating disorder to Christ
Hello, my name is Frances and I have been living in Australia since 2004 with my husband and our four children. I’ve been a Christian for almost 20 years.
I would like to share my testimony with you to encourage you to never give up in difficult situations; although I had felt very lonely in a period of my life, when I was 23 years old the Lord Jesus-Christ proved to me that He was real by filling me with the Holy Spirit and letting me pray in other tongues. This experience changed my concept of life and I became a child of God, washed from sins and made anew.
I was sexually abused by a paedophile...
When I was a child, about 6 years old, I was sexually abused by a paedophile who was a friend and neighbour of my parents. I had a bad feeling about it. When I grew older, I started to understand that it was wrong and felt very ashamed and guilty about it. Being humiliated and having lost my self-esteem, I created my own world by being very selective because I was very scared and felt very vulnerable. At 12 years of age I wanted to tell my parents but I heard a voice telling me that I couldn’t because it was my secret and nobody should know about it. I listened and believed this voice. Being Christian now, I can tell you that it was satan and by telling nobody I was putting myself in an isolated world, I felt very lonely even though I lived a normal life with lots of friends. When I became a teenager, I was not able to have a deep relationship with others. I would rather stay home than meeting with my peers because I felt so uncomfortable and anxious about life. Actually, I had no confidence in myself or others; at school I preferred to be with classmates who were shy, had disabilities, or divorced parents. Everything was dark: I was in the dark in the world of satan, who was trying to get me. I felt insecure everyday surviving an evil world.
I was not able to have a deep relationship with others.
I was living a lie and one day feeling so bad inside, I started to eat a lot to compensate these feelings. Realizing that I had an eating disorder, I got a fright and didn’t want to be controlled by food. So, I managed to discipline my food habits. Deep in my heart I was so unhappy that I was ready to do anything to change it. I started to think about why I felt so anxious and sad. The only big negative thing I could think of was this humiliating experience so I decided to deal with it because I wanted to feel better and be happy. Inside, I was full of revenge, I wanted justice for a life which I felt was wasted by injustice, hurt and shame. So I decided to go to the police and to talk to my parents. I thought this is the solution and would make me feel better, when he will go to jail and I had justice done. I felt for the first time in my life a kind of relief inside me. It was like finally coming out of a tunnel. When I went to the police they registered my declaration officially but they couldn’t do anything because of no proof. I was shocked and felt even more angry and depressed. I decided that I will do my own investigation with the help of other people.
At this time in my life I started to feel more myself and real. After one year and two depressing research sessions nothing had worked out. I was still feeling depressed inside and started to imagine killing him, I even hear voices telling me what I should do. I had this urge to start taking some drugs, luckily I knew nobody with drugs. I was so impulsive that I just followed my thoughts without thinking. One day I even thought of killing myself. It was war in my head. IT WAS LIKE I WAS POSSESSED WITH DEPRESSION. After all of this, I realized that there was nothing else I could do.
I was still feeling depressed inside and started to imagine killing him...
I loved my family and didn’t want to disappoint them. So, I decided to leave it like that without justice. But somehow I believed in a supernatural justice with God. I started to search more about God, still being depressed with ups and downs. But at this stage, I was able to live more normally and built deeper relationship with others. One or two years after, I received the answer and the deliverance of this satanic world which was persecuting me and tried to destroy my body, soul and spirit. Some Christians invited me for a Christian meeting, I could feel in my heart that they were different, they meant what they said. They were caring and interested in me and they had something special which was different from other people. After reading the book ("The Cross and the Switch-blade" by David Wilkerson) I had questions about “Receiving the Holy-Spirit" and “Praying in another tongues”. Later on, I realized that God could be true and I didn’t want to miss out, so I made the decision to get baptized, I repented of my sins and I received the Holy Spirit with a lot of joy and power. Shortly after I was praying in another tongues. This experience left a permanent mark in me that I could never deny His true existence on this earth any more.
"... and they were all filled with the Holy Ghost, and began to speak with other tongues, as the Spirit gave them utterance."
I realized that my anxieties were gone miraculously!
"Dearly beloved, avenge not yourselves, but rather give place to wrath: for it is written, vengeance is mine: I will repay, saith the Lord."
"... and the great dragon was cast out, that old serpent, called the Devil, and Satan, which deceiveth the whole word: he was cast out into the earth, and his angels were cast out with him."
After a few weeks, I realized that my anxieties were gone miraculously. Through the years, the Lord opened my heart to his Word and changed my heart. I don’t have these feelings of injustice or depression anymore. The Lord opened my eyes to the dominion of satan in this world and healed me completely. My wish is to serve him and bless others through Him.
"Likewise the Spirit also helpeth our infirmities: for we know not what we should pray for as we ought; but the Spirit itself maketh intercession for us with groanings which cannot be uttered."
"For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places."
"Because strait is the gate, and narrow is the way, which leadeth unto life, and few there be that find it."
Love in Christ, Frances