Saved from Drink, Drugs, Depression and Self-Loathing
Hi, my name is Roger. I’m from sunny Edinburgh and I would like to share with you a little bit of what the Lord has done in my life.
Already from a very early age on I knew things weren’t very right in this world. I used to get into a lot of trouble and was taken to see a child psychiatrist from the age of 6 to 14. I also had child asthma and my mother was often worried that I would die from it. I had been adopted at the age of three months old and I often wondered why me? – In school this was really difficult – everybody had his own mum and dad, but not me. I had never really seen eye to eye with my mum and we agreed to disagree. My dad was always there for me, he always stood up for me, but sadly he died from multiple sclerosis. I was a very solitary child and liked to get away from everybody and would rather climb trees or lie in the grass watching the birds or spend time with the dogs.
I left home when I was about 18 – threw myself into drink and drugs – everything got darker and darker.
In my early twenties God really showed me his power. I remember sitting in my parents’ living room and it was as if God was physically touching me on the top of my head. I got up not wanting my parents to notice anything going on. I walked down the road and got on a bus. I was laughing like I’d never laughed before and I was crying at the same time. God’s power started to go through me, right through my whole body, down my arms, right through into the tips of my fingers and toes. Looking back I know now that it was God’s cleansing blood going through me and I was bought from this world.
...everything just made sense, everything clicked into place...
A few days later I saw a snippet in the Evening news about a Minister from Gorgie Parish Church – he was explaining about God’s “grass-root movement” being the biggest in the last 100 years. This was in 1987/88. I knew I had to talk to this man, so I went and saw him. When he put a Bible into my hand, everything just made sense, everything clicked into place – I hadn’t even opened its cover yet. It felt like God had jumped into my very being. That’s when – unbeknown to me - I had received the Holy Spirit with the sign of ‘speaking in other tongues’.
Not long after that I got to know people who lived at Craigmount Brae, Billy, Chris and Andrew. And I also met Pastor Scott who was with all of them. As soon as I was shown passages in the Bible about getting baptised we rushed down to Portobello and I got baptised.
That’s when my “problems” started – I had to learn to trust God and His Word. I had to realise that I had to let go of my thoughts, there was nothing I could change by my thinking, not in a million years. I know now – and have known this for a while – all that God wants is that we trust him. I had grown up to never trust anybody.
After I had received the Holy Spirit and gotten baptised, I didn’t really understand what was happening. It was too much pain – the Lord had obviously started to change my life; he was dealing with the drugs, he wanted to take a lot of rubbish out of me, but I wasn’t ready to let go yet.
I... often used cannabis to keep me "sane".
Many years of not trusting God properly followed, I was just doing my own thing. I just did my job, came home, locked my door and often used cannabis to keep me “sane”.
A few years ago – I had just lost my job – I was looking at the CAI website. I was looking at pictures of people I still knew from years ago and who I missed very much. I found a link to David Wilkerson’s sermons. I read many of his sermons, also listened to many online and one thing that struck me very much was when Pastor David was talking about finding “like-minded” people. I had thought that I was the only spirit-filled person in the whole of Edinburgh and where could I possibly find “like-minded” people? Yet – I knew I desperately needed fellowship with other Christians.
I wrote an email to the CAI website and received a phone call from Billy (who I had known all those years ago) about September time. Through this contact I was able to come back to the church and the fellowhship that God had originally placed me in!
There is an amazing peace in my heart now...
I am deeply aware of that all the glory goes to God for this. God in his incomprehensive love has saved me from drink, drugs, depression and a self-loathing from myself. There is nothing, NOTHING I’ve achieved myself in all this. I realise that there is no other place for me than with the Lord, He will never let go of me. All I need to do is let God fill me up with his love and be used by him. There is an amazing peace in my heart now – I had never experienced peace before – I had been in constant turmoil in my thoughts.
JOHN 14:27 "Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid."
My aim in life now is to trust the Lord completely!! He is in control of everything and behind absolutely everything. Praise the LORD!!
Many greetings in the name of our mighty Lord Jesus,