Out of Darkness Into His Wonderful Light
Hi! My name is Ilona,
I live in Vienna and I want to tell you how the Lord Jesus Christ came into my life and saved me out of darkness into His wonderful light in the true sense of the word.
When I was six years old my father committed suicide and from that day onwards my mother started to drink heavily. It was a terrible time for my brother, sister and I. My mother was drunk almost every day and there was only fighting and shouting. At that time we lived with my mother's first husband and his new family and my grandfather, who were all alcoholics. Often I was lying in bed and dreaming of a real home somewhere where I would be loved and cared for. At the age of 13 I started to think of taking my own life to go to the place I dreamed of; I thought I would go to heaven, although I now know this would not have been the case!
As I did not have a relationship with my mother or the rest of the family, I needed someone else to talk to about my problems. I tried to be at home as little as possible and spent a lot of my time with other teenagers who were in similar situations. I started to drink alcohol and smoke marijuana in order to forget everything. When I was drunk, or high, I felt better and the situation at home didn't seem so bad anymore, but when the effects of the alcohol and drugs wore off, my life seemed even worse. I spent many nights at discos and pubs, and often I woke up in the morning and didn't know where I was – sometimes, I woke up lying in a car park. When I was not satisfied with marijuana and alcohol I tried different sorts of tablets and LSD, and experienced a realm that I had never known about before. By the time I was eighteen I smoked marijuana every day and every weekend I was on an LSD trip.
I tried to escape from reality as often as possible...
It was thrilling to find out more about this other world, and I didn't like to live in the real world anymore. I tried to escape from reality as often as possible and experienced really dangerous situations with hallucinations of being “somewhere” for hours, not knowing where, seeing incredible things and hearing voices nobody else could hear. Once I even could feel how my spirit left my body and I could watch my body from above! From this time onwards I knew there is another dimension, another world and I wanted to find out more. Somehow I always thought it had something to do with God and Jesus.
Through this, I got interested in so called "harmless" occult practices like summoning "spirits" (which is another word for demons) and "table turning". I thought that I could find out something about my dad and why he took his own life. I didn't know at that time that I never was in contact with my dad, but with demons. These demons tried to tell me that my dad had not taken his own life, but was murdered and that I should search for the murderer. As time went by the "harmless" occult practices turned out not to be so harmless at all! Some of my friends freaked out completely. They hurt themselves severely and ended up in a mental institution. At last I realised that this had nothing to do with God or Jesus at all, but I didn't know exactly what it was about.
Still the search went on for something “higher” than man, for a meaning of life and security. Somehow I had the feeling that I was carrying a heavy load and didn't know how to get rid of it. I was longing for someone who could help me. I tried to find comfort and love in different relationships, but most of the time I only found men who wanted to take advantage of me. I felt dirty and used.
...there was still this longing for a deeper meaning in life...
At the age of 23 I got pregnant, married, and my son Rene was born. I didn't drink alcohol or take drugs during this time, but when my son was about one year old my old life started to take over again. Although I loved my son dearly there was still this longing for a deeper meaning in life for something that could fill this “empty space” in my heart. I started to drink and take drugs again – it became even worse. For breakfast I had a joint, and it was not uncommon for me to have drunk a bottle of whisky by the evening. At the absolute lowest point of my life I left my husband and my son for another man; just to flee from my life – now I think I wanted to flee from myself, but only some days after I had left my family I couldn't stand the situation anymore. I couldn't sleep, I couldn't eat - I couldn't even think anymore. I just knew it was not right. So I went back again.
As I didn't know where to go I visited one of my girlfriends. While we were sitting at her place - it was a dirty room full of smoke and darkness - a friend of hers came by. I can't remember exactly what we were talking about but I remember that she suddenly told me that she was a Christian.
"Jesus had to die on the cross because of your sins" she said and "He did it out of love for you."
...I KNEW that the load I was bearing was my sin!
This one sentence cut into me like a sword in my heart. I KNEW she was right. I KNEW that I was a sinner and I KNEW that the load I was bearing was my sin! This was the answer to my affliction, to all my questions. This was the meaning of life I was looking for. It's so difficult to describe, but all these thoughts went through my mind instantly. I started to cry and couldn't stop. All the fears, all the dirt, all the pain was washed away. It was as if Jesus Himself was standing in the room beside me and the room which was dark and dirty beforehand was abruptly bright all over.
After a long time of crying I asked Claudia, the Christian girl, what I should do now. She told me to repent - that means to turn away from all the evil in my life and come to the meeting on Sunday. Shortly after, I went home again to my husband and my son. I simply went into the bedroom and started to confess to God all the sins which came to my mind and asked Him to forgive me and cleanse me. Immediately the burden was gone! As I did not have any clue about God's Word I also asked him what I should do about my situation. I told the Lord that I wanted to do His will if He would show me what to do.
Due to drugs and alcohol abuse, I had problems with my heart at that time, often it just stopped beating or would beat much too slow or too fast. So I simply prayed: “Lord if it is your will that I stay with my husband please let my heart be healed.” My heart started to beat normally immediately, and continues to do so even now – 17 years later. Praise the Lord! The most stunning thing for me was that due to other circumstances I never had to meet the other man again to this day.
I was baptized and received the Holy Spirit as the scripture says...
I went to the meetings as Claudia told me. I was baptized and received the Holy Spirit as the scripture says in: ACTS 2:38
"Repent, and be baptized every one of you in the name of Jesus Christ for the remission of sins, and ye shall receive the gift of the Holy Ghost..."
From the moment of my baptism I was completely healed and freed from addiction to drugs, both the emptiness in my heart and the desire to flee from reality were totally gone. It was as if I had never taken drugs of any kind! I was truly born again (JOHN 3:7), freed from my sins, and healed from what I had done to myself. I could start a new life, but now with Jesus on my side and I had found the home I was searching for all those years! Praise the Lord!
1 PETER 2:9
"… that ye should show forth the praises of him who hath called you out of darkness into his marvelous light."
Praise and Thanks be to God Almighty!