How I Found God after Years of Seeking

Teresa - Rome, Italy

Photo of Teresa

I would like to tell you how God opened my eyes and showed me that He is really alive. It was between the ages of 12 and 16 that I started seeking the truth. I often thought about right and wrong and wanted to know why such cruel things as war, rape, murder, etc. happen in this world. I wondered whether the stories I had heard about God were true or not, and if there really is only one God.

I grew up praying to God every day and going to the Catholic Church on Sundays, but when it came to questions about the meaning of life, I couldn’t get satisfactory answers. Every religion gave me different answers to my questions. Some people said that you have to go on a pilgrimage to a special place to please God, and some said that I should pray to Mary, Peter or some other dead person to get to know the truth and to be saved after my death. However, the Lord showed me the following verses: ISAIAH 42:17, and the 2nd commandment: DEUTERONOMY 5:8-10.

Others told me to do good works to get to heaven and some even answered with: “Jesus loves you like you are - so do what you want - He forgives you – that is what the Bible says.” But I couldn’t believe all that. I wondered what kind of God could be "bought" with a pilgrimage or by doing good works? How real is His grace and love if He can be bribed?

... I saw no sense in existing in such a corrupt and crazy world...

What about the bad things I had done before and continued to do again and again? What is right and what is wrong? Who defines it? Who cares? The more I asked and wanted to know the truth, the more different ideas I got about God. Finally, when I was about 18-years-old, I was sick of seeking. I was very disappointed and even tried to kill myself twice for I saw no sense in existing in such a corrupt and crazy world. Fortunately both attempts were unsuccessful, and after the second attempted suicide, I suddenly knew in my heart… "There is a God and He wants me alive." For what reason? … I had no idea.

I cried out to God: "I will stop seeking on my own, I’m sick of it - if you are the living and loving God and you really are interested in me, then show me that you are real! Lead me to that church, assembly, group or wherever you want to have me. If you are God - you can do miracles without the help of my works." And then I made a promise: "The next time I get in contact with an assembly telling me about God, I will join them fully, no matter what they tell me to do. If you are God - lead me! If there is no God - then nothing matters anyway!"

PSALM 18:5-6,16,19 says: “The sorrows of hell compassed me about: the snares of death prevented me. In my distress I called upon the LORD, and cried unto my God: He heard my voice out of his temple, and my cry came before him, even into His ears… He sent from above, he took me, he drew me out of many waters… He brought me forth also into a large place; he delivered me, because he delighted in me.”

And that’s how God drew me out of the dirt!

I was 20 when a guy from Christian Assemblies International asked me to join a meeting with true Christians. Well - I wasn’t convinced by what he told me, but I joined the meeting anyway. It was unusual for me to meet in an apartment - with just about ten people around. But I thought: "It doesn’t matter how many they are - what they preach is important."

...there are signs following if you have the Holy Spirit, like speaking in tongues...

What really surprised me was a Scripture they showed me: MARK 16:17-18, which says that there are signs following if you have the Holy Spirit, like speaking in tongues. I had never heard that before and realised that for almost twenty years I had just listened to what the priests in the Catholic Church preached, but had never taken out a Bible to read God’s Word on my own. I had never compared my life with the Scriptures that we should rely on as "Christians".

During the meeting the people started praying in the Spirit, but I still wasn’t convinced. "What am I doing here?" I asked God and myself. And suddenly I remembered the promise I once made! It was more than a year since I had made that promise and I’d totally forgotten everything about it till that Sunday in February 2001. I was shocked and had to make a very unusual decision. I said: "Okay, Lord, I risk everything I have. Help me out if my decision is wrong, but I will join this assembly as I promised and give my life into your hands completely - do what you want with me - now!”

...free from all the wrath I had kept over the years...

It was like a big roar and I felt free for the first time in my life: free from all the wrath I had kept over the years, knowing now that nothing counts other than salvation through Jesus Christ’s sacrifice for all my sins and a new life from now on! My tears were flowing and I remembered that sometimes at home I had those weird syllables in my head for some years. Was that this ‘speaking in tongues’ that the people around me were doing? I just started speaking out what came into my mind and it formed itself more and more into a language I had never heard before. You can’t imagine how happy I was, and still am, since that day when God opened my eyes to His Word. Later that day I was baptised under water, for I knew the scripture in MARK 16:15-16.

I’m thankful for God’s mercy, and that He has chosen me too. To see His works and miracles and to get to know Him more and more is so important in order to understand the things that are going on in this world!

Take the risk - and ask God to show you that He is real!

LOVE in CHRIST,
Teresa
 

Other Testimonies About In Search of Truth

Comments

Submitted by Anonymous on 25 March, 2015 - 08:59

I found God. After a life of stumbling around in a dark room I finally found light. After a series of losses and defeats I finally understand why. It feels as though my spine has straightened, my vision has cleared and my mind has found a steady focus. I have a clear purpose, a mission well defined. It was unexpected. I know he was always there and I know he had to push me all the way out, all the way down to the bedrock until I was alone. In that total darkness when nothing could be sensed I came to be aware him. His presence ever more clearly felt until it could not be ignored. My rational mind had to admit it was him poking my back. And in his way he said: "there, see now your purpose and only meaning, stick to it now that you finally can see." I have no one to share with right now, but I post it here. Maybe someone can share my joy, maybe someone searching will find comfort. He is there have no doubt, he sees you and he will give you the chance to choose the right path. It might be that he does so in an unexpected way, but then again his ways are mysterious. Have faith!

Submitted by Anonymous on 1 June, 2015 - 16:27

To "anonymous" in a dark room ... loved your comment and your own testimony! It sounds very profound. How did you hit rock bottom and how did you become aware of God? Did you think you were already a Christian but finally started really seeking Him and that's when He opened your eyes? How was it totally "unexpected." Would love to learn more about your testimony! That's exciting to be some of the first to hear it at cai.org.

Submitted by Anonymous on 18 March, 2015 - 06:15

hi from australia,
my name's Ben & i've been talking on/off with a young lady called teresa in a christian chat room for the past few months.. reading your story reminded me of her.. i typed "God help me, the world is crazy" into the internet search engine and clicked your link.. anyway, have a great day & many more to come.. see you one day out there in the universe with the other teresa

Submitted by Anonymous on 28 April, 2014 - 02:16

I know God is Real and His Words will Never go Unfullfilled. But God has promised me something for a Long time and i am yet to receive it. Besides I want the Power of the Holy Spirit.
Dear God, You know i Love You and i've Never doubt your word please Have Mercy On Me. I Love You Christ Jesus Give me the Grace to live without Sin In Jesus Name

Submitted by Anonymous on 30 April, 2014 - 09:41

Dear Enoch,

Please see my reply to Paul below, according to the scriptures you need to repent, get baptised by full immersion and receive the gift of the Holy Spirit with the sign of speaking in tongues...

With God's love

Harry.

Submitted by Anonymous on 1 April, 2014 - 08:25
Dear Paul,
 
Thanks for your enquiry, this is a very important matter and I am glad you asked that question about the Holy Spirit and that you have the desire to receive it.
 
Next to repentance (the genuine turning away from sin) and the water baptism by full immersion (as an adult), the receiving of the Holy Spirit is a requirement for salvation and is evidenced by speaking in tongues – a new prayer language that God gives everyone when he receives the Holy Spririt, let's look at a couple of scriptures:
 
JOHN 3: 3 Jesus answered and said unto him, Verily, verily, I say unto thee, Except a man be born again, he cannot see the kingdom of God. 4 Nicodemus saith unto him, How can a man be born when he is old? can he enter the second time into his mother's womb, and be born?
5 Jesus answered, Verily, verily, I say unto thee, Except a man be born of water and of the Spirit, he cannot enter into the kingdom of God.
 
ACTS 2:37 Now when they heard this, they were pricked in their heart, and said unto Peter and to the rest of the apostles, Men and brethren, what shall we do? 38 Then Peter said unto them, Repent, and be baptized every one of you in the name of Jesus Christ for the remission of sins, and ye shall receive the gift of the Holy Ghost.
 
ACTS 2:1 And when the day of Pentecost was fully come, they were all with one accord in one place. 2 And suddenly there came a sound from heaven as of a rushing mighty wind, and it filled all the house where they were sitting. 3 And there appeared unto them cloven tongues like as of fire, and it sat upon each of them. 4 And they were all filled with the Holy Ghost, and began to speak with other tongues, as the Spirit gave them utterance.
 
LUKE 11:9 And I say unto you, Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you. 10 For every one that asketh receiveth; and he that seeketh findeth; and to him that knocketh it shall be opened. 11 If a son shall ask bread of any of you that is a father, will he give him a stone? or if he ask a fish, will he for a fish give him a serpent? 12 Or if he shall ask an egg, will he offer him a scorpion? 13 If ye then, being evil, know how to give good gifts unto your children: how much more shall your heavenly Father give the Holy Spirit to them that ask him?
 
So in summary, you see that the Lord wants you to be born again and therefore he also wants you to receive the Holy Spirit, according to the scripture in Luke you only need to genuinely ask Him and of course it also requires repentance and a clear commitment to follow the Lord. May I ask: Are you already part of a church? Have you been baptised by full immersion? Where 
abouts are you based? Apologies for asking a few direct questions, I am just trying to get a better picture where you are coming from spiritually. It's wonderful you wants to receive the Holy Spirit and I hope the scriptures above are helpful. Below you find a few links to articles (which you can also find on our website) dealing with the subject of the Holy Spirit.
 
 
Much love in Christ
Harry.

Submitted by Anonymous on 30 March, 2014 - 19:19

ive been actively seeking god for the last month because i felt a very strong and unusual realization of eternal damnation pressing on my heart.so i read and pray but not as much as i know i should.i talk to god like a buddy of mine through out the day casually because im sure he hears me but i cant hear him back.how do you know if jesus forgives your sin, what does that forgiveness feel like? whats the best way to receive the gift of the holy ghost that im hungry for?it sucks because im trying not to be lukewarm like most christians but i have no one to talk to or answer my questions, i wish jesus or god would but whatever reason they dont, or maybe idont listen and dont know it.idk guys help me out here please, god bless!

Submitted by Anonymous on 6 November, 2013 - 05:03

Hi I been trying to find God and do what is right at times it frustrated me to the point where I wanted to commit suicide I felt already different being a twin and so very young trying to find God I was fifteen at the time now I'm 21 and it seems so difficult to find God in believe Jesus is lord I questioned myself, was I just serving God for my desires and why is finding God making me so ashamed I felt like I abandoned myself and my life for god which made me question was I making myself crazy, sometimes I feel bad but I believe God would help me see the truth it was so much pressure being that I once knew myself and had clarity now everything feel as though it is confusion. I did in that time read the bible in saw how it corresponds to my life but sometimes I feel like I might not make it out of bondage and confusion and darkness.

Submitted by Anonymous on 11 December, 2013 - 10:43

Hello Diamond,

Thanks for leaving a comment on this site.

I would like to encourage you to seek the Lord, if you do He WILL be found (see promise below) and God certainly wants to set you free from any confusion, doubt, darkness or whatever there might be which causes you trouble:

MATTHEW 7

7 Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you:

ISAIAH 61

The Spirit of the Lord God is upon me; because the Lord hath anointed me to preach good tidings unto the meek; he hath sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim liberty to the captives, and the opening of the prison to them that are bound;

8 For every one that asketh receiveth; and he that seeketh findeth; and to him that knocketh it shall be opened.

2 To proclaim the acceptable year of the Lord, and the day of vengeance of our God; to comfort all that mourn;

3 To appoint unto them that mourn in Zion, to give unto them beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning, the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness; that they might be called trees of righteousness, the planting of the Lord, that he might be glorified.

God wants you to surrender to Him, to repent from your sins, get baptised (by full immersion as an adult) and receive the Holy Spirit:

ACTS 2

37 Now when they heard this, they were pricked in their heart, and said unto Peter and to the rest of the apostles, Men and brethren, what shall we do?

38 Then Peter said unto them, Repent, and be baptized every one of you in the name of Jesus Christ for the remission of sins, and ye shall receive the gift of the Holy Ghost.

Jesus speaks of 'being born again' which refers to the biblical water baptism and the receiving of the Holy Spirit:

JOHN 3

3 Jesus answered and said unto him, Verily, verily, I say unto thee, Except a man be born again, he cannot see the kingdom of God.

4 Nicodemus saith unto him, How can a man be born when he is old? can he enter the second time into his mother's womb, and be born?

5 Jesus answered, Verily, verily, I say unto thee, Except a man be born of water and of the Spirit, he cannot enter into the kingdom of God.

There are a lot of resources to be found on our website, I recommend to study some of the sheets under the section 'Bible Studies' and then the section on 'Salvation'.

I am now praying for you that you will seek God, find Him and become His disciples.
 
With God's love
Harry.
 

Submitted by Anonymous on 8 September, 2011 - 08:13
hi my name is nicole and i am also struggling with finding god, i have this constant fear that eats at me of death and what happens after and my family is christian so i have grown up believing in god but lately people have said things to make me doubt it, it is really getting to me and it has been all thats on my mind for quite a while now and i keep getting this sick and stressed out feeling inside of me whenever i think about it, the day before yesterday i prayed to god and asked him to help me thru this and or show me some sign that he is truely is here with me, later that day i was walking with a few friends and i heard one of them say whats over there and she said it was a church and its right beside my college, i want to know if u think that this could be a sign of god calling me to go to church again to help me thru this and maybe talk with a priest or something cus i dont know and i still just have this sick feeling in my throat so i guess i just wonder why hasnt god helped me get over this yet when i have asked so many times or if im just missing the signs of what too do pls help me it would mean a lot to get a response thanku for ur time

Submitted by Anonymous on 19 July, 2012 - 12:53
Hi, I just want to say that God is very very real. The first thing to understand is that we must be willing to seek him with all of our heart and wait to see his works in our life. This doesn't always happen within a few hours of prayer. The Father doesn't work in the ways that we do (Isaiah 55:8). We as humans are used to seeing things with our eyes and getting an instant response to almost every thing, so for us we sometimes can't or won't see that with prayer in our life things will happen, not in our time table but in God's. The very existence of thoughts and feelings in our hearts that "there is something missing in my life" and "there has to be more to this world than what I have lived thus far" should tell us that we are spiritual beings living in a physical world. This world can't fill the empty space that is in us if we are spirituality disconnected. If we only live for this world then we will be lost. If we only surround ourselves with people living only for the things of this world then we will be lost. Why do we feel guilt? Even if we did something that only we know about we feel this guilty feeling that pulls at us. Once we start to read the Bible and apply his commandments and his examples of how to live to our daily life we will see changes in our lives. If you want to get closer to God, follow his word. Look for him in the word (Matthew 7:7). We must apply his ways to our life if we expect him to enter into and change our lives but, it will not always happen the way that we feel it should. Ask yourself, are you living as you should for God to hear your prayers. God bless you.

Submitted by Anonymous on 31 January, 2011 - 20:50
Im 42 and was also brought up in a christain family. I have been a soldier and have sinned in the past and done things i cannot change. In my sadest and darkest times i called on God. I learned that i could call on him whenever and where ever i wanted. I then learned that i could call on him in times of acheivement and pleasure and thank him for good fortune. I then learnt i could call on him anytime for any reason. The lord taught me to forgive myself for past things i couldnt change and gave me the strength and courage to make changes i needed to for the future. Since a young age i never lost my faith. Now i am older i have learned to love and trust God and have realised as long as you have God and Jesus in your life. You can never go wrong.

Submitted by Anonymous on 24 January, 2011 - 17:28
I would like to comment on seeking God. To know God is to know all there is about who he is and in John 1 he says....'In the beginning was the word and the word was with God and the word was God.' That should tell one that to see with natural eyes is not the way but to hear his voice is what we seek and that if we are spirit as he is then his language is spirit too - but now where is that place that we hear but in the upper chambers in the quiet state of peace.... To get close to God and hear his voice, be led by his guidance one has to submit totally, stop resisting, give up the stubborn will of human man ways and offer the mind to him by saying in words......"I am nothing but spirit child and I seek you oh Lord my parent, lead me and guide me each and every day, for I am yours, a mere child." Be patient and humble, angels are everywhere and they know your plight Bless you each and every one in the name of God the Father, God the son and God the Holy Ghost.

Submitted by Anonymous on 14 September, 2010 - 16:52
Dear Theresa - sister seeking I see that it was always in your heart - the desire to understand, for what is it really that we seek when we call upon God to show us his face but for his wisdom so that we may change in our minds and so be in his image.........That day John the Baptist came for you and held out his hand, took you to a place of word so that you may find a door to understanding was what you called out to, yet do you know sister that even John the baptist promised that ONE will come and baptise with fire. My question to you is...."Are you still waiting?"

Submitted by Anonymous on 30 October, 2015 - 07:57

Hi, I am Teresa, the one who gave that testimony above some years ago. Sorry for the late answer - I have been traveling the world for quite a long time. You asked if I was still "waiting" - well: To be baptised with the "fire" John was talking about means to be filled with the Holy Spirit. One sign of the Holy Spirit is the Speaking in Tongues (see Mark 16:17, Acts 2:4 + 10:45-46). So - to answer your question: I'm not waiting for the "Fire" anymore - and actually never have been waiting for that :), because when I first decided to "Follow Jesus" at the age of 14 or so, I obviously received the Holy Spirit with the evidence an the ability to speak in tongues. Only problem was, that I just didn't know it. I remember waking up after a very long hard night praying and crying out for God and giving my live to HIM. And since that day I had those syllibles in my head. Sometimes they were stronger - sometimes I spoke them out - but I stopped that, because I was afraid that I might become a bit weird, you know. When I was 20, people here from this assembly finally showed me the scriptures about speaking in tongues and when I finally also heard them speaking everyone in their own tongue, I knew I had this gift for years. So, it was quite easy for me to speak out as the Holy Spirit gave me ‘utterance’ and get used to my "language" (but I'm still curious to know what language I speak - sounds like a mix of Hebrew/French to me.
Usually people decide to give their live to God, than they get baptised and afterwards receive that gift of speaking in tongues (as a present and sign of God). But obviously for some people it's the other way around. God is not limited giving us His Holy Spirit by a set sequence, but requires all righteousness to be fulfilled including the baptism by full immersion in water, symbolising that the ‘old self’ has been crucified with Christ and buried with him under water, being made new to rise out of it as a new creature. Speaking in tongues is a very important for many reasons, but especially to get closer to God, praising Him with a pure language, to be able to pray when you don't find words and also as an evidence to other people. This gift helped me to stick to God and to continue believing in Him also in times of loneliness and challenges.
Receiving the Holy Spirit with the evidence of speaking in tongues is so important. If you don't have this experience yet I really would like to encourage you to ask God about it and to "test" it. It is a great experience and miracle to be able to be so close to God. Teresa

Submitted by Anonymous on 29 August, 2010 - 07:55
Can I find God as you did? I feel lost and very. Confused please help I am tired very tired of my old ways and I want to be made new oh very new before ilose my family, I don't want to burn burn in hell. I am 43Y I grew up in a christian family but still to this day I have never found God again please help. My name is Jamie

Submitted by Anonymous on 30 October, 2015 - 10:44

Hi Jamie, sorry for not replying for so long. I have been away from that assembly for a couple of years - surching as well. But - I hope my answer today could still help you.

During the last years of surching and testing "my ways" I realise that the most important thing in my walk is the relationship with GOD! No other person, no church or even your most faithful dog can give you the love and peace you need. Only God can - because He created and He knows you. And He wants to have a close relationship with you.
But He also will always let you choose if you like to walk with Him or not. Because that is the foundation of His unconditional love: you are free to choose - you are not a puppet on a string.
From my experience during the last years I learned that I have to stop trying to do or fix things in my life. Let me explain that a bit further: From the Bible and from other people in church and through close friends I know I am not right with God in many things. For years I tried to change - habbits, way of dressing myself, the way of speaking (I had a very - let's say rough way to tell people what I think). I stopped drinking alcohol, read different books, read the bible, prayed ... tryed to change to be a good woman. My biggest wish always was to get married - since childhood. So my aim was to become a good girl so that God would finally give me my treat - my husband! I always thought He might not give me a husband because I wasn't good enough. The more I read about sins and what a good character should be like - the more I realised how far away from that "good girl" I was. So I tried and failed and tried again and failed. And things went wrong in my relationship with people in church. And I lost many friends. And also almost my family because they thought I was so weird - because I tried too much to change myself to become perfect. Please don't get me wrong here: God wants us to be changed - and He likes to see that we give up bad habits and lusts. Not only that He likes it - as you might know : We HAVE to change and become perfect - otherwise we will not be able to stand in the presence of God when we die. And the consequence would be that we would have to remain away from God - which is called hell. So changing our bad characters is obviously the aim to be able to be with God one day. So - some problems are easier to solve - some habbits and especially ways of thinking are harder to change. For example: as a Catholic I had a lot of "blessed candles", rosaries, "blessed water" in little bottles and some pictures of Mary to pray to. When I got saved I read in the scriptures that we should not pray to (carved) immages - we should not even make immages of God (= 1st Commandment). So I quickly knew right from wrong - and chuck those things away. I asked God to show me what else I should "clear out " in my belongings. So some CDs, records, favourite T-shirts had to go away as well. That already was a bit harder to do - but I wanted to show God that He was more important to me and that I wanted to follow His ways.
So I DID a lot of things. I stopped drinking, swearing, watching movies full of cruelty, demonic influence or sex. Or just not wasting time anymore by watching sensless shows - changing those things in my live quickly made a big difference in my spiritual and everyday life.
But there were more deeper things that needed to get changed: like stubborness, pride, beeing right, the urge to always say what I think (even IF it was right) ... and the deep desire to be loved and accepted by people and to finally find my husband. And here is the problem: Some things we can change and if we can - we should do it. But some things (like character issues) really need a lot more TIME to change and most of all: PATIENCE! And having patience with myself was always the hardest thing - and still is!
I wanted to become a good girl - and I never reached the aim! I learned scriptures of by heart, I prayed, I helped other people as a way to not focus too much on myself, I cooked and sewed and cleaned and cared for children and helped the poor and the sick - to serve and to be a good girl - because I wanted to please God. That was my first wish - to be good in Gods eyes. Later I realised that through that way I kind of wanted to BUY that God will be pleased with me - and to be a good girl in people's eyes could be very flattering as well. And also that everyone likes me and that they might see how worthy I would finally be to get married ! And I tell you: I never reached the aim! All my character bugs came up again and again. And I even had the impression that it gets worse from year to year. I realised that even serving others can be a selfish deed. And I got more and more desperate and thought I will end up in hell because I am not able to change. And you know what?: AND I NEVER WILL ! Why? BECAUSE I CAN'T CHANGE MYSELF! I am a human - I CAN NOT BE PERFECT!
But the good news is: I DON'T NEED TO BECOME PERFECT OR GOOD ENOUGH! Because Jesus did that for me. He already died for me to pay for all my sins. Jesus was the offer - I don't have to offer anything anymore! I am free of guilt and the urge to DO things to be good. ONLY JESUS was the perfect offer - we just have to accept it and "let Him in". I figured out: the more I focus on Him - the less I freak out ;) (stubborness, pride, anger, jealousy etc.)
To summ it up: Some things YOU have to change - some things will change when you focus on God! Always ask God first! And if it seems to you that you can't understand Him - ask Him to send you the right people so that you can talk to them about Him.
Ask Him what HE wants you to change.
Then ask Him what YOU are able to change. And then DO it!
Day by day - maybe each hour one step. Whenever you have time.
Sometimes I am so busy at work or so destracted from my own thoughts that I even pray that He should remind me of asking for His will. Sounds a bit unusual - but it works!
I often pray in the morning that I want to be used by Him, but that I need His help - because I am too weak, to selfish etc. "So please, Lord, show me when I should shut my mouth or when it's time to speak. An when I speak help me to listen to that little voice and to say the right words"
That became very important to me. How often I remembered "yes - I had the thought ... but I didn't react because it was too noisy, felt too strange, wasn't important enough etc." So praying that I HEAR the thought AND that I will also ACT on it for me has become fundamental.
God should be first, but we should also find people to help us and to encourrage us.
Pray that God leads you to the church where He thinks you can grow spiritually. There you can ask for advice as well. If you are addicted to something (drugs, sex, work, ... ) maybe ask God to send you someone who has been in the same struggle before. He will not leave you alone with your problems and fears. But you have to ask.
Go to a church God shows you. Have the courrage to ask God for special things - maybe: "Please let me meet a man, older than me, whom I can talk to. He should come towards me and he should start talking. He should invite me for a walk (or a coffee or a steak :) ... )- that's how I will recognise that You Lord sent this man" . Have a try! Challenge God! As far as I know Him He LOVES to prove His presence to those who desire it.
He loves you! He is happy like a good father when the child comes running towards him. He wants to reward you and to see you getting better and happier. You obviousely know your sins and weaknesses. God knows them anyway. He already died for YOU!
Cry to Him - no matter how "dirty" you feel or how angry you are. It doesn't matter. His love is so much bigger than we think - you will see.

I pray that God works in your heart - so that your heart will not harden - and that you are still able to turn to Him.

Submitted by Anonymous on 10 February, 2011 - 17:08
Dear Jamie I am a sister in spirit in the image of God and my hand is extended to you - I hear you say first that you are confused and lost as all of us are at different times. It is like being in school in different grades or levels of understanding at various times and so the thing we seek in God is to change in mind and be in His image and 'understand.' To understand is to come out of the darkness and into the light of His way and His Word. What you are asking is how...and so you have to look at the ways of man mind that you currently are...acknowledge in truth all you have done in the name of that d..evil which you now see is hell. Once you see it all, you will submit your sins, because as man mind we are born in sin and struggle from those sins, which are all the perceptions of those before us and so have to see what they are and then let them go and no longer 'will' man ways but Gods. To see your own sin is to dislike it intensely whatever it is, and once we have seen the ugly, bad and destructive we know that we must become the exact opposite and so we desire to change.... You Jamie do, that I hear, so God hears too and let me just say Jamie that it will be done and In the name of the Father, the son and the Holy Ghost we stand as a family together and bless you on your journey now. First you will begin to see your self as man of sin and then you will begin to live the exact opposite and change and you will hear the voiced of God as a guide. Be blessed and hold the hand of the voice of the Holy that is near you and be open to hear.......... Amen Sister Melody

Submitted by Anonymous on 17 January, 2011 - 11:15
By devoting your life to god you will find there is so much more to life. He is always there to help you through hard times. Pray. Follow his word. Love andforgive others and forgive yourself. God is here to make your life better, you are his child. It is truly great that you are making this decision. It is going to require dedication and it is not going to be easy, but trust me HE IS WORTH IT!

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